I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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