that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
