i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
