She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No subtext here. People are naked.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
