saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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