I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
