I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
