...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
