just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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