whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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