He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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