we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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