Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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