im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
