Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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