lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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