i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
