one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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