dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
