Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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