Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
