What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
