now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
