Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
