i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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