Apparently you make a good broom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
