you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize