If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize