5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
