i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
