His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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