i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
