marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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