my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
