Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
