tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
