I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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