how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
