Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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