im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
