Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
