This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
