i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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