What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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