hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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