somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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