just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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