If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
