Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
