Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
