Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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