He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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