You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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