I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
