The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
