Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Panties = found
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
