can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
