i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
