Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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